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G​.​I​.​O.

by CarminaB

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1.
Hey Sailor 03:17
Hey sailor can’t you see that I’m here, can’t you feel that I’m near? Waiting after all for you to return cause the magic still burns inside my heart since the last time that we had got to part. Just sharing a short time together but that doesn’t really matter cause we will be – sooner or later – together again, together again. But now that I’ve come back to the place where we once met, I got no expectation, just avoid the sensation of any kind of pain. Walk through the rain, try to find you to understand the things you’ve been up to cause you let me down – and then you came around. Just sharing a short time together but that doesn’t really matter cause we will be – sooner or later – together again, together again. Of course, it was different this time but then as I see all the lines on your face which tell me of the ocean’s grace I know it is you. Just sharing a short time together but that doesn’t really matter cause we will be – sooner or later – together again, cause we will be – sooner or later – together again, together again.
2.
Being with you is like coming back home from a long walk through a wild storm. I did struggle so far just to follow my star but now the clouds have disappeared. It seems that for a long time now it is the first time I can breathe easy. It seems that for a long time now it is the first time I can see clearly what’s the right thing to do: to stay with you, to stay with you. Laying down beside you makes me stop feeling blue. Cause you scare off the nightmares, calm down the fighter in me so I can be wee, again. It seems that for a long time now it is the first time I can breathe easy. It seems that for a long time now it is the first time I can see clearly what’s the right thing to do: to stay with you, to stay, to stay with you. But I can’t stay with you cause I got something else to do – before. Still I keep hoping that when I come back you will open your door. Cause it’s you I belong to and I won’t go far away. And if you’d ask me where I really want to be, I would turn around and say: Honey, don’t be afraid of the time we will be separated. Cause you are the part that I searched for and that’s the why I won’t leave you anymore at all, anymore at all, at all.
3.
There is a difference in between us two, I can’t deny it, it is the simple truth that we are different but it’s just like it is. I am a woman and you are a man that should be the way people understand the situation cause it won’t get better than this. No matter what they say we’ll do anyway, what we like to do. We’re part of the new breed so in other words – we don’t have to prove anything to anyone! They try to force me to leave you alone but I just don’t want to stay on my own since the time that I’ve met you cause you are the one. No matter what they say we’ll do anyway, what we like to do. We’re part of the new breed so in other words – we don’t have to prove anything to anyone! Besides, their argumentation does not work for us cause they always focus on the gab but as long as we do trust in each other, I can’t see no reason why we aren’t meant to be. We will overcome the seasons of the year, of our life, you’ll see. That’s why your doubts have no importance at all, cause in the end it is only our call to decide whether it’s right or wrong how we go on. No matter what they say we’ll do anyway, what we like to do. We’re part of the new breed so in other words – we don’t have to prove anything to anyone!
4.
Thank you 01:48
Looking in your eyes makes me recognise all the good things you do to me. And your face keeps smiling no matter how hard you try to please me, to show me your love. Never thinking about yourself, just how to make me happy that is all you claim to reach. I don’t know anyone else who would act in the same way, there’s no one above you – I love you. Thank you for your effort to support me, thank you for giving me an inside view on the meaning of love. Cause now I’m able to pass back the attention you once gave to me. I was a little greedy girl at the beginning but you, you made me see why I better evolve into an adult woman. Always aked myself how can you give without expecting to get anything in return. But your answer was – you love me – and that this is enough, I finally learned.
5.
Waiting 03:31
I can meet you in my dreams and imagine you are here, that when we will finally see us, there is nothing left to fear. But for now I’m on my own and can’t even reach you on the phone that is why I keep still thinking about you all the time. I will deny, I will deny that you could do me any harm. I will deny, I will deny that I was blinded by your charm. And whenever I’m reaching out for you, I still feel you by my side. It’s just that I cannot convince myself that I’m right. I can remember the time which we spent together there, as a time when it was obvious that we both do really care. But for now I’m on my own and can’t even reach you on the phone that is why I keep still thinking about you all the time. I will deny, I will deny that you could do me any harm. I will deny, I will deny that I was blinded by your charm. And whenever I’m reaching out for you, I still feel you by my side. It’s just that I cannot convince myself that I’m right. Is it just an illusion or are you going to be my man? I won’t stand no more confusion, so you better give everything you can! Is it just an illusion or are you going to be my man? I won’t stand no more confusion, so you better give everything you can! As I’m waiting for the arrival of one of your rare notes, I try to dream of something special like in times you often wrote. I will deny, I will deny that you could do me any harm. I will deny, I will deny that I was blinded by your charm. And whenever I’m reaching out for you, I still feel you by my side. It’s just that I cannot convince myself that I’m right.
6.
Dead inside 02:47
I could try to run as fast as I can, try to hide myself until some when I will break down again. I could try to lose myself in drugs, try to fuck around to make this feeling stop. But the truth stays undeniable cause the emptiness is still real. I need to write down all this pain, otherwise I’ll get insane. There’s just no way around: Without you I feel lost! I built my dreams upon your promise that you will never vanish. But now I’m on my own, so I’ve to bear the full cost alone. I could try to erase all my memories, try to burn your pictures and my diaries to let the past freeze. I could try to go with someone on fight, try to simply commit suicide. Because truth stays undeniable just as long as the emptiness is still real. I need to write down all this pain, otherwise I’ll get insane. There’s just no way around: Without you I feel lost! I built my dreams upon your promise that you will never vanish. But now I’m on my own, so I’ve to bear the full cost alone. How am I supposed to learn from this, without being drowned in this whole mess? Have you ever thought about me, when you said that you’re going to stay here? Or wasn’t it just my adoration that made you feel good, so you kept me with you? There are no melodies inside my mind anymore, just emptiness and questions – so many unanswered. I could try to live on with what I got, but the only thing that I really want, is to be dead inside. Cause only then I don’t have to feel what your absence announces with a full peal – that emotional void, that emotional void!
7.
Silence 03:45
For some people silence means gold whereas for others it’s the last thing they’d choose. For some people suffering in silence is the only way to go on while for others that’s no option all along. They need to speak up, they need to raise their voices until they even raise their hands against. But does this make them understand? No – so they could even rest in silence till end! Silence – it can unify but it also destroys souls, bodies and relations. Silence – that’s the biggest gab in between two people who have lost the ability of their voices. For some people the world exists only in black and white whereas for others it’s as colourful as grey. For some people it does truly matter whether they’re right or wrong while for others that ain’t important all along. They don’t point a finger, they just clench their fists until they even clench a fist that hits. But does this make them comprehend? No – so they should better quit their silence before it’s too late! Silence – it can unify but it also destroys souls, bodies and relations. Silence – that’s the biggest gab in between two people who have lost the ability of their voices. As you can see, it isn’t easy for me to stand the silence in between us. But sometimes that is all what makes the wounds do finally heal.
8.
I remember the day when we were sitting on a bench in the park, children were playing in the yard and you told me: "Once I’ve been addicted to drugs, but now I’m addicted to you." And I thought, well isn’t that the way it should be?! When we first met, everything seemed to fit, we were sailing on the ship of felicity. Only every now and then, there were some small clouds passing by, but the rest of time we were permanently high. Yet with each circle that we were orbiting around us, we were sinking already in the mud. It wasn’t too late to alter the course back then, we were just too blinded to see the storm coming up before. After some time we had enjoyed each other's company, the idyll was bursting when you started asking too much from me. While at first I made you feel great, later I was not enough anymore, so you needed more and more and more to keep it halfway bearable. Now with each circle that we are orbiting around us, we are sinking deeper in the mud. It’s far too late to alter the course right now, it has gotten worse than it has ever got before. Obviously addiction is not the right way to lead a relation. Obviously addiction brings only cries and frustration in the end. Obviously you’re not the one anymore whom I used to know before. Obviously addiction isn’t easy to cure. So to don’t go down with you, I’m leaving now the ship of insanity. But I’m taking all the good memories with me, with me…
9.
You said that you loved me the way I am, but instead you only loved the picture of me that you had. You loved the little girl who looked up to you, and the young woman who you could care for. Yet as soon as I developed my own thoughts, you saw no other possibility than keeping me little and unable to look after myself. You gave me the feeling that I was special, that someone like me never happened to you before. And you always lent me a helping hand whenever I decided to followed your way. Yet as soon as I developed my own thoughts, you saw no other possibility than keeping me little and unable to look after myself. You made me feel strong and you made me feel weak, you showed me heaven and you showed me hell. But now that I have chosen my path I know, I am just myself, no more and no less. Thus I’d like to be loved for who I really am what includes the fact that I am a grown up woman. I would like you to realise that it’s no wrong to let me have my own mind. Cause only then I can decide for myself without being a weight for you, without being dependent on you. without being a weight for you, without being dependent on you.

about

I hope these songs will touch other people, like the story behind them touched me!

credits

released June 3, 2012

My thanks goes above all to my singing teacher, Jennie Kloos: Thank you for improving my voice and supporting my dream of an own album!

And of course, I want to thank my producer, Phil Hillen - for realising my song ideas and adding them with his personal creativity!

Without you two I wouldn't be where I am right now...

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CarminaB Germany

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